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Healing the Wounds of Enmeshment:
A Practical Guide for Teens and Parents

For teens struggling with family enmeshment, the traditional therapy model may not be enough. Learn how Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment can provide a powerful and transformative experience to help your teen achieve greater independence and healing.

Break free from family enmeshment and empower your teen to thrive. Take our assessment to see if Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment is the right choice for your family.

The teenage years are a critical stage of development, and enmeshment can have a lasting impact on teens and their future. Whether it's with family, friends, or a significant other, enmeshment can hinder a teen's ability to develop their unique identity and cultivate vital interpersonal skills. In this article, we'll explore the signs, types, and causes of enmeshment, as well as effective treatment options to help your teen overcome these challenges.

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    What is Teen Enmeshment?

    The APA defines enmeshment as, "a condition in which two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and personal relationships to an excessive degree, thus limiting or precluding healthy interaction and compromising individual autonomy and identity.”

    When boundaries become blurred or absent in enmeshed relationships, teens may struggle to assert their own identity and become excessively dependent on the other person. This can result in feelings of fusion and an overwhelming sense of responsibility for the other person's happiness.

    Types of Enmeshment in Teenage Relationships

    Enmeshment in teenage relationships can take several different forms, including:

    • Family enmeshment: This occurs when family members become overly involved in each other's lives, often blurring the boundaries between them. The family members may feel a sense of fusion with each other, which can lead to difficulty asserting their own identity. Family enmeshment can include:
      • Parental enmeshment: This occurs when a parent becomes overly involved in their child's life, often blurring the boundaries between parent and child. The child may feel responsible for the parent's well-being and become excessively reliant on them.
      • Sibling enmeshment: This occurs when siblings become overly reliant on each other, blurring the boundaries between them. The siblings may feel a sense of fusion with each other, which can lead to difficulty asserting their own identity.
    • Peer enmeshment: This occurs when a teen becomes overly reliant on a friend or group of friends, often to the point of losing their own identity. The teen may feel responsible for the friend's well-being and become excessively dependent on them.
    • Romantic enmeshment: This occurs when a teen becomes overly dependent on their romantic partner, blurring the boundaries between them. The teen may feel responsible for their partner's well-being and become excessively reliant on them.
    • Emotional enmeshment: Emotional enmeshment occurs when family members are overly involved in each other's emotions and rely on each other for emotional validation and support. This can lead to a lack of autonomy and difficulty forming healthy boundaries.
    • Intellectual enmeshment: Intellectual enmeshment occurs when family members share the same beliefs, values, and opinions, and discourage or shame individuals who hold different views. This can lead to a lack of critical thinking skills and an inability to form independent beliefs and opinions.
    • Role enmeshment: Role enmeshment occurs when family members are expected to fulfill certain roles or functions within the family, and may feel pressure to conform to these roles even if they are not in line with their individual identity.
    • Physical enmeshment: Physical enmeshment occurs when there is a lack of physical boundaries, such as sharing a bed or bathroom, or a lack of privacy.

    Enmeshment can occur in any type of relationship, and it can have a lasting impact on a teen's future ability to form healthy relationships. Identifying the type of enmeshment present in a teen's life is an important step in addressing and overcoming the challenges associated with it.

    Signs of Enmeshment In Teens

    Enmeshment in teenagers can be difficult to recognize, but here are some common signs to look out for:

    • Lack of personal boundaries: The teenager may have trouble setting and maintaining personal boundaries with their parents, and may feel like their parents are overly involved in their life.
    • Difficulty making decisions independently: The teenager may struggle to make decisions without seeking approval from their parents, and may feel lost without their input.
    • Fear of abandonment: The teenager may have a fear of losing the relationship with their parents, and may feel overly attached to them.
    • Lack of self-identity: The teenager may feel defined by the relationship with their parents, and may have a weak sense of self outside of the relationship.
    • Difficulty forming relationships outside the family: The teenager may struggle to form healthy relationships with others, and may feel more comfortable relying on the relationship with their parents.
    • Insecurity and low self-esteem: The teenager may struggle with feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, and may constantly seek approval and validation from their parents.
    • Over-reliance on parents for emotional support: The teenager may turn to their parents for emotional comfort and support, and may feel uncomfortable expressing their feelings or needs to others.
    • Dependence on parents for daily tasks: The teenager may be unable to complete daily tasks without the help of their parents, and may feel overwhelmed or helpless without their support.

    Breaking free from family enmeshment can be challenging, but it is important for the emotional and psychological growth of each individual family member. Therapy and counseling can be helpful in this process, as well as developing healthy communication skills within the family and fostering independence.

    What Causes Enmeshment in Teens?

    Discovering the source of teenage enmeshment can be a challenging journey, but one that ultimately leads to greater understanding and the ability to help. Enmeshment in teenagers can have various causes, including:

    • Overprotective parents: When parents are overprotective and don't allow their teenager to explore their independence and make their own decisions, it can lead to a sense of enmeshment. Some types of overprotective parenting include helicopter parenting, lawnmower parenting, and Bulldozing parenting.
    • Emotional dependence: When a teenager is emotionally dependent on their parent, they may feel like they can't function or make decisions without their parent's input, leading to enmeshment.
    • Family dysfunction: Family dysfunction, such as abuse or neglect, can create a sense of enmeshment as a way to cope with instability and chaos.
    • Lack of healthy boundaries: When there are no clear boundaries in a family or relationship, it can lead to enmeshment and a lack of individual identity.
    • Cultural or religious beliefs: Certain cultures or religions may prioritize the family unit over individual identity, which can contribute to enmeshment.

    It's important for teenagers to develop a sense of independence and autonomy, while still maintaining healthy relationships with their family and loved ones. This can involve setting clear boundaries, learning to communicate effectively, and seeking outside support if necessary.

    “[Healthy relationships] absolutely requires that each person in a relationship be whole and individual… Enmeshment — two people blending in such a way that one or both lose their identity — is not [healthy] either.”

    Anne Katherine

    Effects of Untreated Enmeshment on Teens

    Enmeshment can have a range of effects on teenagers, including:

    • Loss of personal identity: When a teen is enmeshed with another person, they may struggle to establish their own unique identity. This can lead to difficulty asserting their own opinions, beliefs, and desires, and can make it difficult for them to form healthy relationships in the future.
    • Low self-esteem: Enmeshment can cause a teen to doubt their own abilities and value, as their sense of self-worth becomes intertwined with the other person's well-being.
    • Difficulty setting and maintaining personal boundaries: Enmeshment can make it difficult for a teen to establish healthy boundaries with others. They may struggle to say no, may have difficulty distinguishing their own needs from the needs of others, and may feel responsible for the other person's happiness.
    • Difficulty with emotional regulation: Enmeshment can cause a teen to become overly focused on the other person's emotions, which can make it difficult for them to regulate their own emotions. They may also struggle with anxiety or depression as a result of feeling responsible for the other person's well-being.
    • Lack of autonomy: Enmeshment can make it difficult for a teen to develop a sense of independence and autonomy. They may feel like they are unable to make decisions for themselves, and may become overly reliant on the other person for support and guidance.
    • Inability to form healthy relationships: Enmeshment can make it difficult for a teen to form healthy relationships in the future. They may struggle to establish healthy boundaries, may be more likely to become involved in codependent relationships, and may have difficulty trusting others.
    • Increased risk of mental health problems: Enmeshment can increase a teen's risk of developing mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, or substance abuse.
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    How Can Parents Help Enmeshed Teens?

    Here are some ways parents can help a teen struggling with enmeshment:

    1. Encourage your teen to develop their own interests and hobbies: Help your teen find and pursue activities that they enjoy, and support them in developing their own passions and interests outside of the enmeshed relationship.
    2. Promote healthy communication: Encourage open and honest communication with your teen, and create a safe space for them to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
    3. Set and maintain healthy boundaries: Work with your teen to establish clear boundaries in the enmeshed relationship, and encourage them to set boundaries with other people in their lives as well.
    4. Practice self-care: Taking care of your own physical and mental health is important as a parent. By prioritizing self-care, you can better support your teen as they navigate the challenges of enmeshment.
    5. Seek professional help: Consider working with a therapist or counselor who has experience working with enmeshment in families. They can help your teen develop coping strategies and identify ways to break free from the enmeshed relationship.

    By implementing these strategies, parents can take an active role in helping their enmeshed teens break free from unhealthy relationships and start on a path towards greater independence and personal growth. However, it's important to recognize that for some teens, additional support may be necessary. In the following section, we'll discuss the importance of early intervention and treatment for teen enmeshment.

    Importance of Early Intervention & Treatment for Teen Enmeshment

    Early intervention is crucial in addressing enmeshment issues in teens for several reasons:

    • Addressing enmeshment early on can prevent it from becoming a chronic problem and escalating into more severe and potentially harmful behavior.
    • Teens are still developing and their brains are more malleable, making it easier for them to learn vital interpersonal skills. It is harder for adults with more established patterns to learn new social skills.
    • Addressing enmeshment early on can help build a foundation of healthy coping skills and emotional regulation that can serve them well throughout their lives.
    • Early intervention can also help prevent the development of comorbid conditions, such as depression and anxiety, that can arise as a result of untreated enmeshment.
    • By addressing enmeshment early on, parents can help their teens learn to manage their emotions in a healthy way, build positive relationships, and set the stage for a successful future.

    Early Intervention Is Important For Healing Your Teen & Family

    Early intervention and treatment can help parents and families of teens struggling with enmeshment in several ways:

    • Provides education and support: Mental health professionals can help parents and families understand enmeshment and its effects on their teen's emotional and mental health. They can also provide guidance on effective communication strategies, setting boundaries, and developing healthy relationships.
    • Offers a safe space for communication: Family therapy sessions can provide a safe space for parents and their teen to communicate their thoughts and feelings without judgment. A therapist can help facilitate constructive discussions that lead to more positive outcomes for everyone involved.
    • Improves relationships: Early intervention can help improve relationships between parents, teenagers, and other family members. This can include teaching parents how to better understand and communicate with their teen while also improving the teenager's relationships with their peers and family members.
    • Prevents further harm: Early intervention can help prevent further harm to the teenager and the family. This can include addressing behavioral issues before they escalate and helping the teenager access the resources and support they need to overcome challenges.
    • Identifies underlying issues: A mental health professional can help identify any underlying issues that may be contributing to the enmeshment. These issues may include past traumas or unresolved family dynamics that need to be addressed to promote healing and healthy relationships.
    • Promotes independence and autonomy: Early intervention and treatment can help parents and families encourage their teen's independence and autonomy. By developing strategies for healthy separation, parents can help their teen develop their own identity, make their own choices, and build healthy relationships outside of the family.
    • Reduces stress for the whole family: Early intervention can help reduce stress and anxiety for parents and other family members, as well as for the teenager themselves. By receiving support and guidance, families can feel more confident and better equipped to manage the situation effectively.

    By taking the steps necessary for early intervention, parents can not only help their enmeshed teen heal and grow but also promote healthier relationships within the family as a whole. In the following section, we'll explore some of the effective treatment options available for enmeshed teens.

    Healing from Enmeshment: What Are Your Options?

    As a parent, it's important to know the different treatment options available to help your teen overcome enmeshment. Some of the options include:

    • Outpatient therapy: This type of therapy is a more traditional approach and can be conducted in a clinical setting. Your teen will meet with a therapist on a regular basis and work through their enmeshment in a controlled environment.
    • Community-based programs: Community-based programs offer support and guidance to teens in a non-clinical environment. They may involve classes, group therapy sessions, recreational activities, and skill-building workshops.
    • Residential treatment: Residential treatment programs offer a more intensive level of care for teens who need round-the-clock support and structure. These programs can provide a safe and secure environment for your teen to work through their enmeshment and other behavioral issues. ThreePeaks' short-term residential treatment program uses the great outdoors to help teens work through their enmeshment and other emotional issues. Our program involves outdoor activities, group therapy sessions, and individual counseling to help teens develop new coping skills and healthier ways of dealing with their emotions.

    Ultimately, the best option for your teen will depend on their individual needs and the severity of their enmeshment issues. It's important to work with a mental health professional to determine the best course of action.

    I’m Not Sure Where to Start.

    We’re here to help - take the first step and contact us to see if Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment could be the path to healing for your family.

    Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment

    If your teenager is struggling with enmeshment, ThreePeaks' residential treatment center can help. Our program combines evidence-based therapies with the healing power of nature, providing a holistic approach to healing. Led by experienced therapists, our team is dedicated to delivering individualized care for both teens and their families.

    During the program, your teenager will engage in activities such as hiking and camping, working closely with their therapist to address enmeshment dynamics within the family. The simplified setting allows them to disconnect from daily distractions and focus on fostering healthy boundaries and individual growth. The natural environment serves as a metaphor for their journey, as they navigate the challenges of enmeshment and learn to establish healthy connections.

    One of the significant benefits of our program is the opportunity for both the teenager and the family to take ownership of the healing process and develop the skills necessary for lasting recovery. Our program serves as a stepping stone towards building healthier family dynamics and promoting individual autonomy, without relying on ongoing enmeshment.

    We understand that choosing the right treatment program for your teenager and family can be a difficult decision, and we are here to support you every step of the way. Our team is available to answer any questions and provide additional information about our specialized program for enmeshment. With the right support, we believe your teenager and your family can break free from enmeshment patterns and move forward to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life together. Contact us today to learn how we can help your family.

    Benefits of a Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment Program

    Being immersed in nature can have a profound impact on a teenager. It improves their mental, emotional, and physical health.  Combined with a proven clinical approach, our therapeutic program helps teens heal from enmeshment.  Here are specific benefits your family can expect to see while your teen is in nature-based short-term residential treatment.

    The first stage of effective short-term residential treatment focuses on assessment and stabilization.

    1. Assessment 

    By observing your teen in a novel environment, our experienced therapists gain a deep understanding of what is really happening with your child. Research indicates accurate mental health assessments can lead to a 20% reduction in the number of days in treatment.

    2. Stabilization 

    Mental health stabilization provides a safe environment to deescalate your teen’s level of distress and/or reduce their acute symptoms of mental illness. Until teens feel genuinely safe, they cannot begin to heal. One therapeutic modality emphasizes that “Cues of safety are the treatment” and “safety is defined by feeling safe and not simply by the removal of threat.” It is not enough to merely tell a teen in crisis that they are mentally and emotionally safe, they must actually feel and believe it.

    Once your teen feels safe, our nature-based residential treatment program provides a novel and challenging environment that disrupts their unhealthy patterns and behaviors. Behaviors that either:

    • cause your teen's mental & emotional health struggles
    • or that your teen has developed as a negative way of coping with their struggles.

    The second stage of an effective residential treatment program focuses on engaging teens in the therapeutic process and empowering them with the skills needed to thrive.

    1. Engaging Teens in Therapy (even if they’ve been resistant to it before)

    The ThreePeaks Ascent treatment program is designed to re-engage teens in healthy adolescent development. When your teen attends a short-term residential program, they are taken away from negative distractions they may have at home. They engage in treatment in a way that would not be possible in any other setting.

    Your teen will participate in individual, group, and family therapy sessions while in treatment. This allows them to process their behavior as well as make changes in their personal life and family relationships. They are also able to learn from their peers, realize they are not alone in their struggles, and gain motivation to make changes.

    We've found that by the time of discharge, 90% of teens were actively engaged in treatment. When contacted six months after treatment, most of these teens maintained the motivational progress they made during treatment.

    2. Empowering Teens Through Skill Development

    As your teen engages in the therapeutic process, they’ll start to see huge progress. But for long-term healing, it is not enough to only alleviate your teen’s struggles, we must also empower them with the skills needed to thrive in life. These skills include:

    • Self-awareness skills like a growth mindset, identifying one's feelings, developing interests & sense of purpose
    • Self-management skills like emotional regulation, self-motivation, resilience, setting & achieving goals, planning & time management
    • Responsible decision-making skills like showing curiosity & open-mindedness, anticipating & evaluating the consequences of one’s actions, internal locus of control
    • Relationship skills like communicating effectively, seeking & offering support, resolving conflicts constructively
    • Social awareness skills like showing empathy & compassion for others, taking others’ perspective, recognizing strengths in others

    Your teen is powerful, intelligent, and capable. They are among the leaders of tomorrow. That is why the third stage of our short-term residential treatment program focuses on helping teens redirect their previously misused potential toward developing mastery in life.

    Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche observed years ago, “Happiness is the feeling that power is increasing—that resistance is being overcome.” When teens develop competence and mastery they:

    • gain self-reliance and self-confidence
    • become more resilient
    • have a greater sense of meaning and purpose
    • and better resist negative emotions.

    Overall, building mastery helps teens develop a positive mindset. Because they feel competent and in control, they go from feeling, “I’m not capable” to “I can do this!”

    About the Author

    Steven DeMille, Executive Director at ThreePeaks Ascent, a short-term residential treatment program for teens in crisis

    Steven DeMille, Ph.D. LCMHC


    Steven DeMille is the Executive Director of ThreePeaks Ascent. He is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. His educational experience includes an MA in Mental Health Counseling and a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision. His research focus is on Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment, nature, adolescent development, and counseling ethics. He is actively involved in the counseling and psychology profession and holds regional and national leadership positions. He publishes and presents on Nature-Based Short-Term Residential Treatment and the use of the outdoors. This is done around the world at the national and international conference levels. 

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